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Your Wife Wants A New Wedding Ring

Posted by Stuart J. Adelman on

First, I would like to apologize to our LGBT friends for the gender specific nature of this blog. The situation illustrated here is the one I see most often, and it is easier to write using gender specifics. Please feel free to switch Mr. Dude and Mrs. Dude as is appropriate to you. And now, here is an open letter to Mr. Dudes who are getting ready to celebrate a milestone wedding anniversary, such as 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, (or longer) years.

Dear Mr. Dude,

Your big wedding anniversary is coming up, and you really want to get Mrs. Dude something great to show her how much you appreciate her. But what to get? Allow me to offer you a suggestion. Keep in mind that I have over 40 years of experience with this question, so I feel that I am very qualified to answer it. What does she want for her big wedding anniversary? She wants a new wedding ring (or engagement ring) and more than likely a bigger diamond to put in it.

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Now I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that you already gave her an engagement ring, and the salesperson probably told you that you needed to spend a lot, but she would have it forever, so it would be worth it. And you were young, and very nervous, and you bought the ring that you could (barely) afford. It seemed pretty expensive at the time, but you figured you would not have to do that again, so you put it out of your mind. Besides, this engagement ring is special. You gave it to her. She will treasure it always. Yes. Yes. And yes. But what you could not, and did not anticipate, was that in 10 or 20 years you would be in a much different place in your life. More importantly, Mrs. Dude will be in a much different place. She will be more mature both in her tastes, and style. That engagement ring you struggled to pay for 20 some odd years ago is, sorry to say, out of style. And most likely a little on the small side.

I’m not saying that she is not happy with it. She still adores it, and treasures it, but her style is different now. And maybe you both are in a better place as well. As in being able to afford something a little more substantial. Or maybe she just wants an updated, modern style. Either way, the answer is the same. She wants a new and improved diamond/engagement/wedding ring.

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Try not to take it as an insult for the ring you worked so hard to get her the first time. Perhaps an explanation of what the engagement ring truly is will help you understand. The engagement ring is a promise first. A promise that you are committing yourself to her, and only her. It’s a promise that you want to spend the rest of your life with her, for better or worse. After the promise, the engagement ring becomes a symbol. A symbol of your commitment to each other. A symbol that tells others that she is in a committed relationship, with you. The ring is not the relationship, and she is not married to the ring. She is married to you. Therefore, changing the ring has no effect on the relationship. Well, that’s not quite true. Changing or upgrading her engagement wedding ring will show her your continued, and renewed commitment. And that will make her feel really good! And you do want her to feel really good, don’t you? Especially on your big anniversary?

The thing is if she did not get to upgrade her engagement ring for your 10th anniversary, then she really wants to change it by the 15th anniversary. And if that anniversary is missed, then by the 20th anniversary, she REALLY wants a new engagement wedding ring. REALLY! If those anniversaries don’t result in a new wedding ring for her, then you better come up with one by your 25th anniversary. Come on Mr. Dude! It’s what she really, really, really wants. But this time, she will do all of the work! You just need to give her permission to let go of that old symbol, so she can get a new, improved, more stylish symbol of your love.

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Her engagement ring is the most important thing she owns. To her it symbolizes more than just your relationship. It symbolizes her life with you, both past and present. It is also her main fashion accessory. If she only wears one piece of jewelry, it will be her wedding ring. It is the first thing she puts on in the morning (unless she never takes it off), and last thing to come off at night. It is as much a part of her as the finger it encircles. Changing her engagement ring to an updated modern (or vintage) style, something that represents who she is now, does not change how she feels about you. It does not mean she never liked the ring you gave her, although she might not have. She still married you right? So even if the engagement ring was not her favorite design, she still promised to love you. And if she did love it, she is ready for a new one. Seriously, the answer to the question ‘What does Mrs. Dude want for her anniversary?’ is easy!

She wants a new diamond/engagement/wedding ring! Let her pick this one out though. Better yet, have it custom made just for her. That way she will get everything she wants in an engagement ring. Which technically, is now a wedding ring. So now that you know what she wants for your big anniversary, that brings us to the next question. What do we do with the original engagement ring and diamond? Well it just so happens that I have some ideas about that, and I would be happy to discuss them with you.